I'm not writing this for sympathy. I don't want anyone to pity me for the day I had - just laugh with me at the realization that my life is anything less than glamorous and certainly no one would ever want to trade places with me.
The day began in my bed. To - "Rigdon - wake up - it's mom's birthday - let's sing to her." "Rigdon - wake up - it's mom's birthday let's sing to her - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU - No, it wasn't my whole family lovingly waking me up with a breakfast in bed. It was Kenzie and Rigdon who had snuck into my bed in the middle of the night to sleep and Kenzie had decided that she didn't want to be the only one awake so she was doing everything in her power to be loud enough to wake everyone up.
So, I decided - after 20 minutes of this - to just get up and start the day - obviously Jason was sleeping the sleep of the dead and wasn't planning on getting up anytime soon.
I made my way down the stairs with Rigdon and Kenzie and began the clean-up. The house was an absolute shambles. So, you all know me - I begin the battle in my head. I really shouldn't do this - it is Sunday and for heaven's sakes - it's my birthday - I should be laying in bed - but no - who's still sleeping? - JASON - Well I'll show him - I will make him feel like garbage - I will clean the house up and do it all myself. One by one - as I clean - the children began to wake-up and the madhouse begins. I get everything picked up, change the morning diapers and get the breakfast going. Jason comes down - OH Maren, I was going to do that - SURE YOU WERE. No worries, it is done and - hey - it's not like I haven't been doing this for 12 years now. :0)
After everyone is feed and the house is pretty much all picked up and everything is in place. I lay down on the floor to play with my baby. UP comes Mikala, UP comes Gannon, UP comes Kenzie, then Gabbi and finally Rigdon. Rigdon apparently has something Kenzie wants so she takes it - to which Rigdon lashes out by sinking his teeth into Kenzie's bi-cep. I watch in horror - as Kenzie starts to pound on Rigdon with a ferocity equal to Rocky Balboa. To which, Gannon standing behind her, yells out kamikaze style - DON'T HURT MY BROTHER - and kicks her so hard in the back it sends her flying forward onto Rigdon. It all happened in slow motion as I tried to keep Keaton safe from the hooliganism before me.
Something inside snapped - the devil came out and I YELLED - I yelled loud enough for Brad and Allyssia to hear me (this is a life long joke between Jason and I. Brad and Allysia Black were the people that lived below us in our very first apartment - we would always say to one another - be quiet or Brad and Allysia will hear you) Well, even though they are in east Mesa - they probably did hear me - I jumped up and threw them all in their beds meanwhile telling them all how out of control they all are.
Of course, I settled down and of course I apologized and made them all apologize to each other so everything was good again . . . for about 30 minutes. We decided later on to take a drive to a few of the temples around this area - for a fun little birthday/Sunday activity. We got everyone ready and started piling in the car - except - much to my chagrin - another catastrophe is in the making.
Mikala is in the middle seat - and Gannon doesn't want to get in the back - "IT IS GROSS"he cries. Weeping and wailing and nashing of teeth - Mikala crying because she doesn't want to get in the back - Gannon stomping his feet because HE IS NOT (out of control sobbing) SITTING (more sobbing) IN THE (hyperventalation) BAAAAAAACKKKKK!! - YOU ARE SO MEAN (more crying) I (choking while sobbing) HHHHAAAAAAATTTE you." Well of course you do - I mean it's my birthday and who doesn't hate their mom on their birthday. It just wouldn't be a birthday without someone telling you how much they despise you.
I walk into the house and start cleaning up the legos and toys that have been strung out all of the house. They all come in and start crying - WE WANT TO GO TO THE TEMPLE - PLEASE MOMMY - PLEASE - WE ARE SORRY - not half as sorry as I am - all I wanted was some peace and quiet for my special day - and look at this place - I just cleaned it! AHHHH! More weeping and wailing and Jason yelling and I have HAD enough-
I stomp up the stairs, slam my bedroom door and lock myself in. I turn on a movie that I have been trying to finish for over a month and turn the TV loud enough to block out the pounding on the door. The knob being turned over and over and over again - a couple of times I was quite certain the door would be broken down by the violent kicking and scratching and MOM - LET US IN - PLEASE COME OUT. Every 10 minutes they would take a break and then it would be back for more. My movie ends - I fall asleep and the phone rings off the hook with my children pounding on the door - PLEASE MOM - PLEASE - let us in!
Finally 3 hours later - I get up to go to the bathroom, unlock the door and get back in the bed. Let's see how long it takes for them to realize the door is unlocked. One minute passes - two minutes - here comes someone up the stairs - 2 and 1/2 - the knob turns - AHHHHH - the door is unlocked - the first one enters followed by two more and even Keaton climbs up the stairs and into the room. At least they still love me.
And to all of you who called to sing and left messages - because I didn't answer the phone because I was holed up in my bed - THANK YOU a million times over. Your love and friendship are more precious to me than any gift I could ever ask for. I love you all!
And a word to the wise - EXPECT NOTHING - and you will never be dissappointed. At least - that is what I found works for me. . . . . Until next year . . . HAPPY FREAKIN' BIRTHDAY! :0)
7 comments:
Wow, well am glad that you had such a good day. And even more glad that I'm not you! Hee hee! Remember, eternal perspective!
You know I think it was around 2 o'clock or so I thought I did hear a loud noise outside . . . was that you?? The children might be different, but I think for all women, the story is the same. Welcome to motherhood. I can promise you that the birthdays (and the gifts) do get better when your children get older.
THAT was THE BEST post EVER!!!!!
Kevin and I were reading it together and laughing hysterically-only because I could hear you telling it and I could imagine it!! Great writing!
I'm just glad that you locked yourself in your room for at least 3 hours! Maybe it should be 1 hour for each child next time!!
I love ya!! Tell Jason, he owes you a massage or something of your choosing!
Happy Birthday!!!! I was cring at the end of this...I love you and your cute kiddos! You are the funniest. I read this to Aaron and I looked over at him only to see his mouth dropped and eyes wide!! This scared him to say the least...HAHA- by the way, I would trade places with you in a heart beat.
That was fabulous! Listen to your mom...it does get way better when your kids are older. Sorry I missed your b-day...so happy b-day!
Morgan wants to know why we aren't listed on your blog page!
Maren - you are nutso! Just got done reading your comment on my Twilight post
Well, Happy Freakin' Birthday, indeed. Next year maybe you shouldn't come out of your room at all. The alone time would be heaven but pickin' up the next day would be hell. So I guess just wait it out for a couple of years and then it will be fab! Your kids will go to crazy lenghts to write you songs, and do something special. You just have to put in your time.
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